Embracing Singleness - How to Move from Sulking to Celebrating

Valentine’s Day is upon us, or as some would call it, Single Awareness Day. I’ll never forget the first meeting with my counselor talking about how I was becoming content with singleness. She asked how I felt about Valentine’s Day approaching, and told her I was fine but would stay off social media because why would I want to see the rest of the world celebrating their relationships? And then she stopped me in my tracks and asked, “If you’re content with being single, then why would photos of couples bother you?” I was speechless (which is rare) because I was not as content as I thought. In all actuality, I was claiming to be content to avoid pain, disappointment, and vulnerability. I wanted to get up and never come back again haha, but instead, I took a deep breath and dove into the invitation of healing and renewal. From that day forward, she helped me open my heart again to the hope of marriage, but also to embrace and enjoy the life God has for me, with or without a spouse. 

For perspective, as I am writing this, I am 36 years old, single, and never married. I am a ministry leader and have experienced life as a single female in various churches, schools, and organizations. Also, I want you to know that what I am about to share with you is not new or a magical trick to being 100% content with the life God has given you. Instead, it’s a slow walk in the same direction with my gaze fixed on my Creator, the only One who can sustain and satisfy the longings of my soul. My life makes sense when I look to Him for fulfillment and purpose, not at my circumstances or the status of others. So, if you’re looking to celebrate your singleness, rather than sulking in it, then welcome to the party!

View your singleness as a gift from God

 In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, Paul writes, “7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am” (ESV) (emphasis mine).

Did you catch that? Paul was single, said it was a gift from God, and that it was good to remain single. Throughout this chapter, he is talking about the differences in singleness and marriage and how to honor God in both. In verse 7, he refers to each as specific gifts from God. And according to James 1:17, every gift that comes from God is good and perfect. 

Now, you may be thinking that singleness is like the Christmas gift you never wanted, but sometimes, given a second chance, it can bring more joy than expected. Instead of scorning it, redeem it. Find purpose and joy in it. Wake up every morning and look for the blessings of this season of your life. Which leads me to my next point…

Use your gift of singleness to serve others

Later in 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about how there is one God and one church, but many different gifts. Now, he’s referring to spiritual gifts such as teaching, healing, etc, but have you ever considered singleness as a spiritual gift? If you do not have kids or any other pressing responsibilities consuming the majority of your time, then why not use your availability to serve others? This is a gamechanger for me and has taken on many forms. 

At this point, I have a lot of friends who are married with kids. Rather than being frustrated that I don’t have what they have, I join their families in everyday life. Sometimes they invite me, while other times I take initiative and ask to hang out. I don’t sit back and wait for people to think of me. I put myself out there and that’s what serving others is all about. Being a part of the family of God means you are an active participant in caring for others. And in turn, the family of God will care for you. Whether it’s attending kids’ games or performances, going out for dinner, or joining families around the holidays, it’s a way to encourage and support them. And what’s great about using my gift of availability to serve others is I am also blessed in the process. Constantly being around families gives me the sense of belonging that I was missing. 

I feel like many single people make the mistake of not putting themselves out there because they feel like a burden or they don’t want the constant reminder of what they don’t have, but I’m here to tell you the opposite is true. Joining families in day-to-day living has been the best thing for me. I experience firsthand God’s purpose for my life, and a sense of belonging like none other. Take a chance. Put yourself out there to serve others. The risk is worth the reward.

Live your gift of singleness to the fullest

Jumping back to 1 Corinthians 7, in verse 17, Paul says, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches” (ESV). In other words, follow Jesus in every moment of every day, regardless of circumstances or relationship status. In the verses that follow, he says that following Jesus does not require a change in job, physical appearance, or social status. It simply means living in a way that honors Him in the place and time He put you. Whether you are single or married, your purpose remains the same - love Jesus and love others.

At the end of the chapter, he says you were bought with a price. Lately, this thought has radically changed my perspective and I hope it does the same for you. My life is not my own - it was bought with the blood of Christ. Everything I am is because of Him. When I remember that I am His masterpiece created for His good works, it allows me to relax and fully embrace the life He’s given. The pinnacle of my existence is to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and invite others to do the same. That’s my entire purpose - to know Him and make Him known. When I approach each day with this in mind, the discontentment of my circumstances or relational status fades away because everything pales in comparison to an intimate relationship with Jesus. Do I still have moments where I wish a spouse was by my side? Absolutely, but I put more energy into remembering that God is good and His plan for me is better than I could ever ask or imagine. That’s what it means to embrace your gift of singleness to the fullest.

To all my single friends who made it to the end, let’s go out there and live the abundant life Jesus promised in John 10:10. Happy Valentine’s Day! May you always remember that you are known and loved by the Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings, and the Father to the fatherless.