I Can’t Make This Up…
Have you ever had an unfulfilled desire or dream? Maybe it took so long to come to fruition that you almost gave up? We aren’t good at waiting…and if you don’t believe me, ask anyone who has ever been cut in line at Disney World waiting for their favorite attraction…sparks fly!
What if I offered a different perspective? A story of my own where a dream is still off in the distance, just out of reach. An experience where this season of waiting, this journey I have walked with the Lord, has gradually become sweeter even though my dream is not yet a reality. I’ve come to realize that my encounters with the Lord through this journey have been far better than the dream itself. It all started with a deal I made with the Lord… Notice I said a deal I made, not necessarily a deal He made with me 😉
A Story I Never Would Have Chosen
For context, I am a single female in my mid 30’s. If someone had told my 16-year-old self this would be my life, I would’ve laughed in their face. Even in college, I’ll never forget listening to other women talk about wanting to be married by the age of 25. I was thinking, “Heck yeah I better be married by that time!” Silly me…the Lord had other plans. And I have to say, His plans were better than anything I could’ve dreamed up. Deep down I knew that, but my heart wasn’t always on board. I thought that a long road of singleness would be someone else’s story…not my own.
Fast forward to current day, I wouldn’t trade this life that God designed for me for anything, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t difficult days along the way. But remember, the journey with the Lord, walking step by step as He is leading, guiding, and going before me, is the sweetness in the waiting.
The Deal I Made With God
Years ago, I asked God to bring me a spouse before my grandma passes from this life into the next to spend eternity with Jesus. Why? Because my grandma longs for me to be loved and cared for. And I want her dream for me to be met as much as I want it for myself. She thinks I’m pretty awesome (and frequently tells me) and doesn’t understand why a man of God has not come along yet. I honestly do not have an answer for her and that used to frustrate me. But recently, I’ve come to a place of trust and release. I’ve traded frustration and impatience for surrender and contentment, but that didn’t happen overnight. Have my circumstances changed? Nope… I’m still flying solo. What transformed my perspective? I’m telling you, it’s the journey with the Lord, the process of not only believing He is good, but experiencing it firsthand.
A couple years ago, my grandma was in the hospital for issues that could not be pinpointed or easily resolved. Unsure of what might happen, I began to wonder if the Lord would answer my prayer of bringing a spouse into my life. Seems selfish, right? But honestly I just wanted her to rest easy knowing that I was going to be cared for. Fortunately, she was released from the hospital after a week and able to recover at home. She was very weak and exhausted and needed extra help and support during her recovery. I was able to care for her alongside other family and friends. Her church community rallied around her with prayer, meals, and visits, which is a testimony to the way she has been the hands and feet of Jesus to so many over the years.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
One morning while drinking our coffee, she saw I was reading 100 Days To Brave - a devotional by Annie F. Downs. I had started reading it with many others across the country, but had fallen behind, which is typical of any daily devotional, right? I’m always playing catch up. It would’ve been easy to give up and quit, but I was determined to finish well. And, if I had given up, I would’ve missed this incredible moment…
Grandma asked me to read the devotional out loud and you’ll never guess what it was about…
Annie F. Downs shared her story of being single in her 30’s. She was vulnerable about a dream in her heart that God has not yet fulfilled. She explained that God’s goodness does not depend on whether or not her dream is fulfilled. His goodness comes from His unconditional love for His people and the sacrifice He made to redeem and restore us.
She writes, “I think there is something really powerful about being smack in the middle of the unwanted season and being able to look you right in the eyeball and say, ‘God has not forgotten you. Your life and your dream are important to God.”
The Lord revealed His goodness to my grandma and me by letting us know that we were seen. The Holy Spirit so gently reminded us that we are precious in His sight, even when we do not understand or appreciate His plans for our lives.
God Used My Shortcomings For His Glory And My Good
Y’all…how is that even possible?! That devotional was connected to years of conversations Grandma and I have had about the hope of a future spouse. Coincidence? Not a chance! God’s sovereignty orchestrated that moment. He knew I would fall behind and be sitting right there with Grandma when the Holy Spirit prompted her to ask me to read the devotional aloud. It was a divine appointment to remind me that He is real and powerful and intimate. He is transcendent and immanent. He is above all and in all. He knows me better than I know myself and wants to be near to connect with me. God’s love and desire to dwell with His people was on display right before our eyes. My grandma and I both left that moment feeling seen, heard, valued, and loved by our heavenly Father.
I can’t make this up…
He knew the prayers of my heart longing to find a husband. Whether or not He fulfills that dream, it has no impact on the quality of His faithfulness. God’s goodness is not dependent on meeting my demands. His goodness is discovered in moments just like the one my grandma and I experienced in her living room when He said, “I see you. I hear you. I know this is your (and your grandma’s) heart’s desire. Just place it in my hands and trust me. Fix your eyes on me. Keep following closely and I will continue to reveal my goodness to you in the days ahead.” Husband or no husband, the Lord is good, personal, faithful, and true. He put our hearts at ease that day and He can do the same for you.
Would you ask Him to meet you where you are? In the middle of your unmet desires, heartaches, and fears? He’s ready and waiting to show up in ways you’ve never expected. Take a chance. Ask Him today.